one of the joys of melbourne on a monday : until 4pm the nova cinema in carlton only charges $5.50 admission. of course you are not the only person who knows this and the 4pm session of todd haynes‘ i’m not there is completely sold out. haynes is a seriously film literate director and he knows a thing or two about bob dylan too. although whilst his songs are the backbone of the film, of course it is not a film about bob dylan. it is an anti-biopic : a crazy ramshackle assemblage of references. dylan’s name is never mentioned, and there are six different actors playing the bizarro not- dylan. only one of them tries (too hard) to look like him : cate blanchett, who apparently used a sock down her pants to make her walk like a man. should have used a rolled up towel. does not convince. but doesn’t matter. only her attempts at amphetaminized not-dylan irritate. film half succeeds. which means it half fails. unfortunately it is the second half. and that means you leave the cinema with a bad taste in your mouth. and it is too long. that means you spend the last third of the film wishing that he would please just shut the fuck up and you leave the cinema with a full bladder. the film is so laden with signifiers it ultimately collapses under its own weight and you leave the cinema dazed. but then haynes has a degree in semiotics so i guess he is allowed. is it a masterpiece? no – but if you know and love (or hate) dylan you should see it anyway. why? this review by larry gross explains it better than i ever could. three and a half stars.